"Twas the night before Commissary"
Twas the night before Commissary and all through the jail
the inmates were locked down, nobody had bail.
I was in my cell; the guards they had no mail
Just settled down, wishing for a nice piece of tail.
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bunk to see what was th ematter.
I ran to the window, hoping for a pass,
tripped over my bunkie and let out some gas.
There before my bloodshot eyes did appear what looked like a transport van, with reindeer?
Then a jolly old fella whipped out a bic,
I knew then and there it could not be St. Nick.
He had request forms and med slips, sweatshirts and mail.
My goodness, what's happening? Aren't we in jail?!
I thought it was Christmas but no, it was not.
It was commissary night- we just forgot!
For the C.O. had boxes and boxes of stuff, full of candy and coffee, surely enough.
But the inmates were hoping for joints and beers, even some treats for the A-Block queers.
'Twas not the night before Christmas after all
as he wailed out of sight with only a call ever so loud so all the inmates could hear:
"Next time when I get here,
have some money on your books if you want my Christmas cheer!"
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A little help with the entries
When a DPO or PO is mentioned in the entries below I am referring to Deputy Probation Officers... a misunderstood and under appreciated profession. Some stories have come from others in our law enforcement family, I will specify who within those individual entries.
In California a Presentence Investigation Report (PSI or PSR) is a report prepared by the Probation Department to get a full picture of the defendant, his/her social background, his/her prior criminal history, information about the current offense, whether the defendant would be a good candidate for a grant of probation, and finally ... this is the important part... a recommendation to the sentencing judge on what type of sentencing should occur. This report is required by California statute. The judges, and attorneys read these reports in preparation for sentencing and later if the defendant is sent to prison, a copy follows the defendant and goes in his file.
In California a Presentence Investigation Report (PSI or PSR) is a report prepared by the Probation Department to get a full picture of the defendant, his/her social background, his/her prior criminal history, information about the current offense, whether the defendant would be a good candidate for a grant of probation, and finally ... this is the important part... a recommendation to the sentencing judge on what type of sentencing should occur. This report is required by California statute. The judges, and attorneys read these reports in preparation for sentencing and later if the defendant is sent to prison, a copy follows the defendant and goes in his file.
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VIOLETS ARE BLUE
BUT ROSES ARE RED
IF YOUR PO IS THE MIGHTY KHAN
YOU'RE BETTER OFF DEAD!
BUT ROSES ARE RED
IF YOUR PO IS THE MIGHTY KHAN
YOU'RE BETTER OFF DEAD!
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