What is this about anyway?

I have been a Deputy Probation Officer for a little over 9 years. The stories here are actual things that either myself or my co-workers heard, saw, or experienced. Enjoy... and be sure to check the archives! OR submit your story in a comment section below one of the entries.. it really does not matter which section. See the 'Got stories' directions on the right side of the blog.



A 1st Degree Burglary defendant arrives at the Probation Department knowing that his DPO would be requesting a urine sample to see if the defendant had been using drugs/alcohol recently. For those of you who don’t know this, these urine tests (UA tests) must be observed by the officers… real fun part of the job.

Anyway, while in the bathroom the DPO noticed that the defendant seemed nervous and kept trying to turn his back towards the DPO. He was obviously trying to conceal something and with this population you never know what that could be… a firearm, narcotics, knife, who knows. The DPO concerned for his safety directed the defendant to pull his pants down further, which at first the defendant refused to do, after the DPO ordered again to drop his pants to see what he was hiding he found that the defendant had a homemade “whizinator”.

The DPO took the defendant back into his office and ordered him to take a seat. Initially the defendant sat down as directed, but then in a rash moment stood up rather quickly and took a fighting stance with the DPO. No longer in the mood for games, the DPO calmly advised him "I would fuck you up". Another DPO heard the commotion and both DPOs took the defendant into custody without further issue.

When the defendant was being booked at the county jail for this violation, he realized the jig was up so he then went into great detail explaining how he had sprayed foam on his penis and molded it to himself to be more realistic. He also explained how he had placed the tubing inside etc. to enable it to pass urine he had borrowed from someone else. (yuck) He made sure to explain this to several female correctional officers while being booked and seemed quite proud of his accomplishment. He eventually went to prison.

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